The full details were never revealed to me or my sisters. All I got from this time was a mechanism for becoming still when scary forces preyed on me. Fear of losing my life, losing the life of a loved one, or the fear of losing everything I have—those fears followed me for years. Stillness has been my refuge and my defense. Even later, as an adult, I would cope by being still. Very still. It’s not something I would always feel good about, but it’s where I go whenever there’s too much chaos around me, when the world seems like it’s crumbling, when I suddenly fear that everything or everyone I cherish is going to be taken from me in the blink of the eye.
I get still.
